Breast Self-Examination Card

Three weeks ago I was taking a shower at Jeff’s parents house. His mother had one of those hanging breast self-exam cards in the shower. While I have seen them in various relatives showers while growing up, I have always thought of breast exams as something I was never going to have to think about until I was an “older women”. Whatever that meant at such a young age. Even into my mid twenties I have always looked at the hanging shower card as something “older women” would have and who would do the self- breast exam. Most of my life I have only stared at the diagram while washing my hair, analyzing the drawing of the woman and thinking about how they could improve upon the image in order to best express visually “how” to do the self-breast exam. While I have honestly rarely checked my breasts the way these hanging cards show you, I thought I would give it a try this time. I have always felt that I don’t do it right, perhaps because there is so much mass for me to check. On this particular occasion I tried to do it with much more patience and the way the diagram visually showed, perhaps to even subconsciously test the graphic illustration’s effectiveness. Surprisingly I felt something odd. It felt like a little ball was lodged inside of my right breast about the size of a nickel. I quickly checked my left breast to see if there was a similar lump in the same spot. I felt something, but it was less obvious than the one in the right breast. Panic ran through my mind and the only comfort I felt that moment was the warm water from the shower pouring over me. I felt the ultimate sense of vulnerablity while in this panic mode. I checked multiple times and still I thought I was not doing it right (or maybe I was just trying to convince myself that was the case) and perhaps I was not educated enough on the anatomy of breasts and perhaps it was just glands. I quickly jumped out of the shower and dried myself off as fast as I could. I just kept thinking how paranoid a person I am to be thinking this is anything to worry about. Did I mention my aunt died of cancer after finding it in her breast, getting it removed, but too late as it had spread to her stomach already? Yeah. I needed someone to reassure me that I was indeed just a hypochodriac, so I decided I would ask Jeff’s mother to feel where I thought I was feeling the small lump. She said she couldn’t tell from feeling it what it could be and reassured me its probably nothing but that I should get it checked out.

Well, since I was due for an annual exam anyway, I scheduled an appointment at Planned Parenthood. in Ann Arbor (the best one around). I had to wait a couple weeks for an opening, but the day finally came yesterday. I told the midwife my concern and she checked my right breast. Indeed she felt something and told me she would send me to the Karmanos Cancer Insitute of Detroit for a checkup. She assured me it was probably just a cyst, asking me if I drank a lot of coffee to which I answered “not really. I drink about 1 to 2 cups per day”. She then recommended that I switch to green tea and said to limit my pop of which I rarely drink anyway. After the appointment Jeff and I had plans to see my friend Heather. It was a nice transition away from the appointment and finding. I told Heather of the lump and she shared a book of hers with me where I read a chapter on all things breasts. The most consoling thing was the fact that most cysts develop in the exact location of where my suspicious lump is and that they are indeed related to caffeine intake. This was a wave of relief for me. I still have to make an appointment at the Karmanos Cancer Institute but I am a lot less worried. Especially after talking to the midwife at Planned Parenthood and reading up on cyst formation on the internet/books.

This was quite an eye opener for me. Had I not seen the hanging breast self-exam card in Jeff’s parent’s shower I am not sure I would have done the exam. I now know I am no longer the exclusion to these exams, that they are no longer for “older women”, but for me, women my age who have a family history of breast cancer or are in the high risk group.
So for you women out there I want you to listen to what I just told you. Let my experience serve as an example, the next time you’re in a shower with one of these cards, use it as a reminder to check your breasts. Sooner is better than later.

Update on previous post

Well, I’ve come to find out that I will not be getting my medical coverage for a while now. Open enrollment is not until November. Bummer. Looks like I’ll be dealing with any future sleepless nights on my own. Which is fine I guess, I’ve been doing it this long. I think I just need to learn how to deal with stress, stop worrying about things I have no control over, and drink more tea rather than coffee. I’ve also thought about taking an herbal supplement such as kava kava or valerian root to help relax my body and mind before bedtime. If anyone reading this has any suggestions on what might help, I would love to hear about it. Think I will enable anyone to leave comments because my sister experienced problems when she tried to leave one (even though she is a member of my blog). Let’s try this again. Disclaimer: Your comment will be deleted if it is unwarranted or unrelated to the topic in the blog, or if I find it in any way disrespectful to myself or the readers of my blog (I’m talkin’ to the weirdos out there!)

Another sleepless night

In 2001, I started experiencing what has now become a serious problem for me. I have no idea where this problem stems from or why it started, but I tend to think it has something to do with my job loss at Rouge Steel that same year. Very few people know the details of this job loss situation and for various reasons I will not share them here. The circumstances surrounding this job loss were very tramatizing and have left me with a variety of issues to deal with. The main thing being anxiety at night. I don’t mean depression because I am not depressed in any way. I mean worrying and thinking to the point of not being able to sleep. This doesn’t happen every night, but it does happen often enough to interfere with my daily life occassionally. The past two nights have been very hard for me. Especially when I have obligations such as work to face. Last night I went to bed by 11:30 pm. I was tired as hell earlier in the day, especially since I experienced another sleepless night the previous night. However, as most of my cases of insomnia, my mind started racing and the thoughts of the day, my life, and the future started working on overload non-stop. Sometimes I wake Jeff up and tell him I can’t sleep and he’ll rub my arms or something, sometimes I just lie there. Most times I just try sleeping elsewhere. Last night the couch wasn’t comfortable enough though, the water I drank didn’t help, and me sleeping at the foot of the bed instead of the head was just a final and ridiculous act of desperation. I had to wake Jeff up again. By this time it was already 5 am. These are the moments I am appreciative I have such a wonderfuly and understanding boyfriend. He listened to me ramble on about the thoughts in my head, how they lead to this, which in turn leads me to that. I told him I am caught between calling off the job I have scheduled for 9 am and just sticking it through. We sat on the couch in our make-shift living room and watched infomercials while I practically cried about my sleeping problem and all the thoughts that go through my head. I decided I had to cancel work this morning. I reluctantly left a message with the on call scheduler and hoped that by giving them a few hours notice they would have time to find my replacement. This happened to me once before, where I had to cancel work. Luckily, after talking to my boss she understood. I also found out I am eligible for medical benefits and am in the process of signing up for them right now. I am hoping that I can seek help for my nightly anxiety and will be able to get it under control so it does not continue controlling and affecting my daily life. Everyone who knows me has heard me complain of being tired from time to time. Maybe this will help you understand why I am tired so often. I feel embarrased about it mostly and continually think others who know must think I am such a freak. Like how can you NOT sleep? It is so easy to just go to sleep. Until I find out why I have experienced these episodes for so many years I cannot truly feel comfortable trying to explain it to myself or others.

Comments

I’ve changed my comment settings. You must be a member of my blog to leave one. I decided this has to be the case after getting two irresponsible and infantile remarks on a couple of my posts by complete strangers. Sorry if this leaves you feeling less inclined to leave one.

Congratulations Andrea & Adam!

Mr.& Mrs Browning
Originally uploaded by Eglectrik.

I wanted to dedicate this blog entry to my sister and brother-in-law Adam. Welcome to the family Adam! Guess this means I’ll be seeing you up here in Michigan for future visits? Better start investing in some warm gear now. Brrrrr. It gits gets awfully cold round dease here pawts in da winta. Ah reckon Andra alreada told ya so tho ehh? Las time ya came (during summer) ih wus hottr than Georgia asphalt (on a frigid day). hehehe
Anyway….just warning you about what to expect if you come to Michigan in the future (winter months are from December till who knows….its already March and still freezing…I’ll keep you updated).
Again, Congrats to both of you. You were always a perfect fit for one another. I’m so happy to have you as a brother-in-law Adam.

Alabama

Leaving Alabama
Originally uploaded by Eglectrik.

I went home to Huntsville Alabama on February 25 through this past Sunday. My younger sister Andrea and her then fiance’, now husband, went on a cruise to get married (plus, it was my dad’s birthday on the 26th). I took care of their adorable son (my nephew) Griffin while they were away. I loved every minute of it. I got the chance to bond with my 2 year old nephew, see my other nephew and niece, sisters and dad. Being down there reminded me of what I am missing every day while living so far away from them. I tried to take in every little moment, enjoy it to its fullest because I knew I would be leaving and would miss seeing my niece and nephews grow. I also took advantage of this time to hang out with two of my sisters a little bit. Its such a strange feeling seeing your sisters, whom you are used to growing up with, grow up without you there to witness it. Every time I see them they look so different to me. Sometimes it saddens me so damn much to think of how time flies. My parents had all four of us girls within 6 years. I was their first born in September of 1978. Jessica came a year later, 1979, in October. Andrea came two years after her in July of 1981. Natasha, the baby of the family was born in March of 1983. We were always referred to as “the girls”. As if we were all joined at the hip. There was rarely a time when we were separated from one another. When holidays came, we usually all got the same thing, just different colors or sizes. We even got the same haircuts again and again. It continued for a long time. Whenever one of us got something, the rest of us got that same something or the equivalent. At first I hated this. I hated that we had to be grouped together all the time. I hated that my sisters would copy me. I hated that we shared friends. Looking back now though…I miss it. I miss being “the girls”. I miss my sisters copying me. I even miss having the same friends. Mostly I just miss hanging out with my sisters whenever I feel like it.
Now there are phone calls. Lots of phone calls.